I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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