let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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