so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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