I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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