Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
