you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
