I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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