do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm passing your future prison.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
