Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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