The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
