what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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