its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.