Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again