He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
