she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.