this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
