Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.