Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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