i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
