After last night, I could never be a politician.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been