I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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