Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.

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(213): Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train. http://tfl.nu/ldtk

Replies (39) Good night (616) Bad night (2192)
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(205): View more from Alabama

This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.

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(205): This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone. http://tfl.nu/jtsj

Replies (28) Good night (573) Bad night (4962)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup

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(508): i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup http://tfl.nu/58kh

Replies (11) Good night (1084) Bad night (4430)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

so yall hooked up?

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(203): I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone. (1-203): so yall hooked up? http://tfl.nu/j54f

Replies (19) Good night (5479) Bad night (1405)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

That's because you are an idiot.

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(417): I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot. (1-417): That's because you are an idiot. http://tfl.nu/6gwl

Replies (17) Good night (1741) Bad night (4882)
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(512): View more from Texas

Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.

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(512): Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later. http://tfl.nu/arob

Replies (5) Good night (2620) Bad night (829)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.

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(703): Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress. http://tfl.nu/zjlr

Replies (7) Good night (2558) Bad night (1035)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.

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(303): Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures. http://tfl.nu/miux

Replies (7) Good night (538) Bad night (1910)
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(562): View more from California

Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.

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(562): Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester. http://tfl.nu/c099

Replies (3) Good night (1602) Bad night (548)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday

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(808): Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday http://tfl.nu/8jtv

Replies (11) Good night (1723) Bad night (659)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.

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(+44): Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room. http://tfl.nu/d3jd

Replies (5) Good night (1389) Bad night (560)
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(360): View more from Washington

well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home

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(360): well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home http://tfl.nu/1sb0

Replies (8) Good night (2780) Bad night (662)
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(516): View more from New York

He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.

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(516): He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever. http://tfl.nu/8pla

Replies (4) Good night (2034) Bad night (452)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.

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(250): I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder. http://tfl.nu/j76c

Replies (9) Good night (2499) Bad night (982)
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(408): View more from California

I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.

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(408): I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman. http://tfl.nu/hitw

Replies (0) Good night (564) Bad night (212)

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