Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
