At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
