You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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