My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
