I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
