people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
