dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
