I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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