He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
