I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
