is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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