Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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