I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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