Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
