i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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