Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
