I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
