there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
