end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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