I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
