apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The feeling are messing with the penis
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
