bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
