That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
