Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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