guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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