Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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