Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
