my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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