Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?