I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sext me about skeletons
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
