The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize