There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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