Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
