Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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