I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
