Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
