i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
