Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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