the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
