No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
