I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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