Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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