hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
