Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
