I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
