And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
