Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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