question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
