I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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