Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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