Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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