He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
