She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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