He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
