Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
pray to the hookup gods
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
