Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You have to summon your inner elephant
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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