if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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