I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
