Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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