I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize